When
God is all you have, do you really have all you need? This question has been haunting me for a
couple months, and honestly I don’t know how to answer it. Throughout these past three years, I have
been undergoing spiritual warfare. Obviously
this is social media and I don’t feel like posting all my struggles for all to
mock and see, but yes, I have been struggling.
Satan knows the only way he can get to me is to hurt my family and he’s
been doing a really good job at it for quite some time. The heartaches, the
losses, the pain, and the trying to discover myself again has all come from his
vicious acts of pulling me backwards. Whenever I feel like I am doing what God
wants me to do or I feel like my relationship with Him is growing stronger and
deeper personally, Satan and his harmful ways show up again. If the truth is
known, his attacks had placed a spirit of fear on me and my growing relationship
with Jesus. The enemy had made me put God on a shelf and only pick Him back up
when I was in deep trouble and needed my Savior to help me. I did this because I
thought if I let God back in the position He should always be in again, something
else would happen to the people I care about most, and I could not take that
devastation again. I was being selfish with my relationship with my Jesus and I
wanted Him when I needed Him, and did not want Him when I did not need Him. Even
though deep down I knew I would always ALWAYS need Him, my head thought it knew
better ways to protect me than my heart did. In the past three years, I found
family, lost family, lost my daddy, and have been completely broken. So, Jesus…
You are all I have… Do I have all I need? Being a human, I am overwhelmed with
the visualization of my loss over and over again. Being a Christian, I am satisfied
by all I have gained through my heartaches. Through all my unanswered
questions, I have gained peace that passes all understanding. Through all my
tears and pain, I have gained meaningful conversations with my Comforter. Through
all my loneliness, I have gained the best friend that can only be found in
Jesus. Through all my weaknesses, I have gained strength that only God can
provide. Through all the times I thought I was carrying myself through the day,
I have gained an understanding that He has carried me through it all. Losses,
heartaches, brokenness, confusion, hurts, and pain all happen to every person. This
is not because God has left you or does not care or does not love you. It is
because this is the world we live in and we are going to go through trials. We are
all going to be confronted with situations that test us as a person and make us
question who we are and the God we serve. That is okay to do. God can handle
our questioning Him. He can’t handle you rejecting Him though. I feel as though
my hard times have brought me closer to God because who can build a
relationship with someone they don’t have anything in common with? Jesus was
persecuted and put through so many hurts and trials while He was on this earth.
Why do you think you wouldn’t go through any? Why did I think I wouldn’t go
through any? I am finally starting to accept these heartaches and use them to
bring myself closer to Jesus in new ways every day. No, it doesn’t mean that
the pain from those things that hurt us instantly goes away, but it does give
us a sense of peace in knowing that Jesus went through it all too. He was the
Savior of the world and He had His heartaches while He was in the world too. If
that doesn’t give you comfort knowing that the One who died for you went
through what you did too because He cares and wanted to understand your hurts
by experiencing them Himself, nothing will. I miss my dad every time I take a
breath, but I will not let the enemy’s spirit of bitterness fill my heart
because of it. Jesus was separated from His Father while He was on the cross. This
statement is brought to life in Matthew 27 when Jesus cried out to God and
said, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” He knows the hurt of not
being with the person He loved more than anything. He knows my heart and He
knows my pain. Jeremiah 29 is a good example of this. Most people know the passage
because it states that God knows the plans He has for us. Those plans are for
good and not to harm us, just like the passage says. In verse 13 God promises, “You will
seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” I will continue to seek
Him while I’m hurting because those are the moments I need to find Him the most.
The big question here is, when God is all you have, do you have all you need? I
know my answer, and I’ll let you answer that one for yourself.
